I’ll Take a #4… With a Side of Guilt Please!

To start, I am NOT a morning person. After my alarm had already gone off 4 times, with me repeatedly hitting the snooze button, my lovely fiance says “Hunny, get up…I have to leave soon for work, can you make lunches?”…I of course ignore him, then a few minutes later “Hunny, come on….I really have to get going and I need a lunch.” Okay…Okay, fine….I’m up now!

Now this whole lunch thing started when LM (my fiance) decided to stop spending so much money on fast food, and to eat healthier. I was all for it, however…. I somehow got roped into making lunches for him, our pastor(who is also his uncle), and my future father-in-law, who all work together. Well then our daughter started school recently, and of course, she needs a healthy lunch too (oh, and I forgot to mention…per the crazy teacher, we have to put everything in baggies and label, “Snack #1”, “Snack #2” and so on). So after lining my kitchen counter with bread, making 4 sandwiches, grabbing a haul of snacks from the pantry, washing/cutting fresh fruits and veggies, filling thermoses, and labeling little baggies….I looked over to see my poor little lunch pail sitting in the corner. And for some reason, I just didn’t want to pack myself a lunch.

I’m not the sandwich type of person, and I really don’t like eating a cold packed lunch. My office lunch room is merely a tiny hole in the wall with a mini fridge and a camper size microwave. We have one folding table, and a few rolling office chairs parked next to it. We also share this little lunch room with the guys in the shop….so expect a piece of metal shard in your butt when you sit down, and grease on your favorite blouse. The alternative to this is going out to lunch, sitting in a nice relaxing area, enjoying some warm and freshly made food, getting away from that horrible place called “the office”….the choice was easy for me that morning. I wouldn’t make a lunch for myself, and I would “reward” myself for making everyone else’s lunch and go out to eat! I don’t remember EVER agreeing to stop eating out for lunch…so what harm could it cause??

So here I am, it’s lunch time….I’m sitting in the drive-thru line for Panera Bread, which is probably my number one vice. I start to think of what I want to order….a full panini sandwich, some chips, a side of mac and cheese sounds really good (I’m a tiny girl with a huge appetite!). But then it hits me…..the GUILT…Here I am about to spend $10 or more on my lunch, while my family is out eating a plain turkey sandwich, some grapes and a bag of cheese-its. Then I started to think of what else I could buy for the $10 or more I am going to spend here. Some books for Etta, some socks and underwear for LM….Then I start to think maybe I should pull out of the fast-food line and grab a small snack from the grocery store down the road….go back to work and eat in the stinky, hole in the wall, dirty lunch room. With all of the guilt built up inside I decided to pull out of the line…..

That night, it hit me…why did I feel so guilty?? It MUST be a mom thing. Every time I go to buy some clothes for myself, I walk out with a T-shirt, and $100 worth of cute outfits for my daughter. Every time I decide on making a dinner I absolutely love, that my family doesn’t care for, I decide to make something they like instead. When I need to do laundry for myself but notice LM needs more pants washed, I wash his, and find some old clothes in the back of my closet to wear (stripes and flowers go together right?). While I’m trying to go to bed early because I REALLY need the sleep, I end up staying awake until the wee hours of the morning gathering items for Etta’s spirit day at school. When I’m dead tired in the morning, I get up….to make lunches, because my family needs me to.

The responsibilities of being a mother can be extremely hard at times. The only reward we ever get is the “joy” of being a mother. Because if we try to reward ourselves in any other way….we always end up facing this ugly little thing called guilt. It’s a mothers prerogative.

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One comment

  1. Mom Of Two Little Girls · September 30, 2016

    You hit the nail on the head. We always put them before us. Always. Not always because we want to, but because we can’t live with the guilt! Great blog!

    Liked by 1 person

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