And the Hunt Begins

For those of you that have read my random blog posts, you may have learned that I am currently living with my future mother-in-law. I have been painstakingly living with her for the past 6 months, and it has been a LONG 6 months. You see, we made an agreement to take ownership of her current house, so she could move to a smaller one….so I’ve been waiting….waiting for her new home to be ready, waiting for her to move out….waiting and waiting….and waiting.

During all of this waiting I have been dreaming, dreaming of paint colors, furniture, accessories, rugs, window coverings, the list goes on. I’ve envisioned beautiful gardens, and decorated front porches for the holidays. I have changed the theme of how I would decorate the house a million times, until I had gotten it just right (country farm house). I’ve been putting things on my wishlists and in my shopping carts online for months. Needless to say, I am excited and can’t wait to make the place my own.

This week all of my dreams were shattered. My plans were erased, and my shopping carts were emptied when my lovely mother-in-law decided to let us know she was “not going to leave her house” and that she “didn’t want to move into that new house” and was very firm on her decision. How can someone be that cruel, how can someone be that selfish to completely turn her son and his family upside down on their heads? Not to mention only giving us 3 weeks to figure out what we are going to do.

So here we are, stuck….stuck on whether to move into the tiny house that was built for her (since we already invested money into it) or deciding if we should just call it a loss and find something else….stuck living in the house (that was supposed to be ours) with her, while we get this figured out….stuck seeing her everyday knowing that she completely went back on her word…just stuck.

I think the Lord has decided to take us down a different path, maybe a path for the better. Who knows, maybe that house will have a leaky roof and a flooded basement in the next few years, maybe it will turn into a money pit. Either way, I’m looking at the little bits of blessing in the situation, and praying that we find a solution soon…so I can get away from the mother-in-law….so I can get back to dreaming of paint colors and love seats.

 

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Looking Back…The Grass was Greener

Here I am, sitting at my tiny little desk, in a tiny little corner…sitting completely alone in a boring, cold, and somewhat sterile feeling office. I’ve been sitting here alone for what seems like hours now, literally staring at the clock…my only purpose being here is “in case the phone rings” and it’s not, it hasn’t all day. Even if the phone did ring, it wouldn’t be for me, no one needs to talk to me…I simply answer the phone and repeat the same lines “I’m sorry, he/she isn’t available, would you like to go to voicemail?” It’s like this every Thursday and Friday….See, I’m the lowest on the totem pole, mainly because I just started with the company only a few months back. My skills are underestimated, and I am being completely unacknowledged by everyone.

It wasn’t like this a few months back. A few months back I was the top dog. I worked for a LARGE franchisee, with well over 50 stores in the US and in Canada. I handled ALL accounts payable, vendor management, phone, internet, TV, security, the list goes on….I dabbled in Payroll, helped plan events, attended charity fundraisers, and aided HR. I was the “Go To Girl” for all things. The owner of this ever growing business was sure to show his appreciation for my strong work ethic. He never had a doubt I could do my job, and he already knew I would over exceed any expectation he had for EVERY project I was assigned. He let me take reins on some of the largest most imperative projects, and I loved every minute of it. I grew with the company, I learned with the company, I was a part of a TEAM.

Unfortunately I am human….all humans absolutely LOVE to complain about how they have it, even if “it” is actually pretty amazing. I complained that I worked far too much, but neglected the fact I got as much overtime pay as I needed to get the job done. I complained that others weren’t doing their jobs, even though in the end I got the praise for stepping up and completing the work. I complained about not being paid enough for what I was doing, although I received three $1.00 raises in one year (I guess that’s unheard of in Michigan). I complained the drive was WAY too far, forgetting that when I started the job, I lived 20 minutes from work… then by my choice moved an hour away. All of these things I was “complaining” about lead to a drastic decision to look for employment elsewhere. Admittedly it was mostly the drive…but if we are being honest, I thought I had other opportunities that would better suit me (now looking back, I was basing my “other opportunities” on a fairy tale job).

When I went in to interview for the mundane job I have now, I had a LOT of mixed feelings. I instantly felt guilty, for betraying my loyalty to the company that had done so much for me…but then the little voice in my head brought up all the times I had been complaining about, and how I “deserved more” and how “the drive is just too far”. With all of this back and forth I ended up being 15 minutes late for my interview (I’m still not sure whether that was subconsciously on purpose or not). It was the fastest interview I had ever done in my life. I expected the usual questions…asking what my qualifications were, what programs I’m familiar with, the usual “If you were in this/or that situation, what would you do?” questions..but none were asked. The woman interviewing me had my resume, asked a total of maybe 3 questions that were simple and vague, and I answered just as vaguely. I figured being late didn’t get me the job and admittedly I felt relieved. Until she asked me to meet the owner.

He was an older man, he looked tired, he looked like he would rather be home….and he was just as vague and short with his questions. He explained the other woman working in the Accounts Payable position had left with no notice, to stay at home with her children. I thought that was odd, but decided to brush that thought away. He asked if I could start right away…I explained I would ABSOLUTELY need to put my 2 weeks notice in with my current (amazing) employer. We all shook hands, said our stiff goodbyes, and I left immediately. I didn’t think anything of that job, it was off the plate…I knew I wouldn’t get a call back…I was skeptical of the place, and really didn’t feel right about it.

Well, again being human….I was wrong. I received a job offer from that company the next day. The offer was $6.00 an hour LESS than what I was making now. I “politely” declined the offer. They came back with a raised offer, now $4.00 an hour less than my current wage, but I still couldn’t take the leap, so I declined. After a few phone calls, and explaining that the offer just wouldn’t work for me…they came back with another, the same amount I was making now, plus better benefits. Wow….they really wanted me…they must have seen all I can do, just by looking on my resume…I must have answered the questions right in the interview….I accepted, and I instantly felt sick, I felt sad, I felt lost, I felt so utterly heartbroken, but I didn’t have a clue why…I just landed a new job that was going to be everything I’ve ever wanted and hoped for, right?

After putting my 2 weeks in, literally crying as I broke the news, I felt a little relief. It was still an emotional 2 weeks, everyone cared so much for me in that little office of 6 people. We knew so much about each other. Having lunches, small holiday parties, eating out in the yard while the dogs played (yes, we even had pets in the office, many happy loving pets). We attended charity events together, we laughed, we solved problems, and we covered each others backs…they were my closest friends. I never took any of that into account when I was leaving. I can only explain the day I left as SAD, I could tell the owner was tearing up as we all shook hands and made well wishes. If felt like a kid leaving for college, as my parents said their goodbyes. My immediate supervisor was happy for me, but low spirited that I was leaving…and the pets knew something was astir because when I hugged them all goodbye I was crying. A part of me was left there that day, and after the tears cleared…and after my hour drive home, I was hopeful for the new job.

I couldn’t see it until now, that I had it good where I was. I had what was probably the closest thing to a “fairy tale” job I could have ever had. The Lord is always teaching us HUMANS lessons, he taught me to look at everything as a blessing. If I would have looked at things in that light, I would’ve never had “complaints” about the company that was ever so generous to me, who treated me like family, like I had deep stakes in the business.

So here I am, with my skills being shoved under a rug….not being noticed for what I can accomplish, and instead making copies and answering phones (when I interviewed I was told it was an “Accounts Payable” position, it’s not…I’m the receptionist)…working for a place where I am not considered valuable. It’s the worst feeling in the world, it’s constant misery. The Lord still continues to work on me, whispering in my ear, telling me I need to find the blessings in my current job. This is just another stepping stone on the path he is leading me down, and I NEED to look at it with optimistic eyes. Maybe next time I’ll notice how green and luscious my grass is, before even thinking about the grass on the other side.

 

Why I Chose to Believe…

I never attended church growing up…I never lived with religion, or even knew what religion was. I had a very vague opinion of churchgoers, thinking they were all “goody” judgmental people, who had money of course. We were poor, my mother was a teen mom, and people looked down on her. She honestly wasn’t a very responsible mother, she was more responsible than other moms in the neighborhood, but that wasn’t saying much. Growing up in trailer park, after trailer park, after trailer park, I was looked down on as well. I was programmed to hate people who believe in the Lord, and was influenced by so many people that there was NO God… I mean, how can there be, he’s supposed to be good, and we were stuck in a hell hole. What I didn’t realize, was that it was my choice to be stuck in that hell hole.

Yes, it obviously wasn’t my fault for being born to a teen mom with no religion…but when I think about it, what if she had instilled religion in me as a child…or better yet, what if her mother instilled religion upon her as a child? I think that if I had a sense of who the Lord was, I wouldn’t have felt alone for so long as a kid.

My younger sister and I experienced so much “life” as children. We knew first hand about evictions, as we were constantly pulling notices off of the front door. We knew all too well the feeling of coming home to no power, because the bill wasn’t paid. We had friends who we thought were true friends, and they were all drug dealers and thieves, but we thought nothing of it… that was normal to us, in our neighborhood. I remember as a kid, a church bus coming into the neighborhood and trying to hand out mini-bibles, and when they approached me I made fun and laughed at them. I thought nothing of it, and was NOT interested in “learning about the Lord our savior”. I hated my life, I thought nothing would change…I was self consumed, and unhappy…and that was normal to me. That was normal for everyone like me.

It was June, I had just finished my Sophomore year of High-School and word was…we were being evicted yet again. We were being evicted from the house I had been in the longest growing up (3 years…not much I know..but we moved constantly) and I was pretty upset. I hated packing, I hated moving to a new place, and most of all I was worried because we had 2 weeks to move, and nowhere to go. I could tell my mom was tense, she was stressed…non-working, bad credit, multiple evictions…we had already been living in Flint, but it was the outskirts which was a little nicer. This eviction meant moving to the BAD part of Flint.

My sister and I, being extremely stressed as well, decided there wasn’t much left to do…the thought came to mind, “Maybe we should try praying”. We didn’t really understand praying, but that’s what we’ve seen people do in dire situations in the movies. So we prayed (or at least tried to…we didn’t really know what we were doing) We asked that God (or whoever was up there) watch over us and help mom get a place that wasn’t in a BAD area. We asked to make the move easy, and that we still have some friends wherever we move.

Literally 2 days before we had to be moved out, we got a call from a place who was willing to let us rent from them. It was a small place, only 2 bedrooms for the 5 of us, no washer and dryer, it was a duplex… but it was in a nice town…and better yet, it was the same school district as our cousins! The place was out in the woods, which was quiet and peaceful. Our neighbors were my aunt and uncle, and a few other kids, who soon grew to be friends of ours. It was a nice, slow country setting and I loved it! I didn’t know it then, but the Lord had answered our prayers, and was starting to show me who he was and what he can do if I believe in him.

A year later, and I was a Senior in school. My sister and I were both older now, and in high school…and my little brother was a toddler. It soon became that my sister and I were no longer a part of the family. We had constant arguments with our step-dad (this was nothing new). We were left to make our own food, buy our own clothes, figure out how to get to and from school etc…We were not a part of “their” family anymore, and it was made known that we should probably be looking to move out on our own.

Now that we were in a better area, I found myself adapting. I met real friends, ones who went to church, ones who were givers, who made everything fun and exciting. Friends who were honest, who worked so hard at school, and outside of school. Friends who earned what they had, and shared everything. Friends that didn’t judge my little house, or the fact that my mom was the same age as some of their older sisters. It made me feel warm inside, made me feel like there was possibility in life.

I soon met a guy (yes, the dreaded “guy” who probably wasn’t the best choice in life). We started dating and, although my good friends disagreed, I decided to get a place with him. I finished high school, got a job and started college. I soon found that he, on the other hand, had no ambition, no need or want to make his life better. Soon, I was the only one working, only one going to school, and we were falling into a cycle I grew up in, the eviction cycle.

We had the notice on the door, I read it, realized we owed a few months of rent…and also realized I had no clue where I could come up with the money. I remember clear as day…I was driving home in my beat up 92 Saturn, I turned the radio off, I was driving down a lonely, bumpy road…and I just started to pray out of nowhere, asking “Lord, please help me, I’m at a loss, I don’t know what to do, I do NOT want to go down this path, I trust you to help me, please help me!” Tears filled my eyes, I was so upset, shaking, and just plain exhausted with worry.

The next day, sitting in class, my mind filled with worry….I overheard some people saying their tuition refunds had been deposited into their bank accounts. I asked what that was about, and was told they were getting refunds on tuition because their student aid more than covered the expense of tuition. Since I had done well in high school, and was completely covered with Grants and Scholarships, I decided to check my account. I had to call twice… I couldn’t believe it, there in my account sat well over $1,500! Enough to cover my past-due rent and other things I needed for school (laptop, supplies, etc…) All I could think was “Wow, my prayers were answered”.

Now this didn’t convince me to be a churchgoer, or to even learn more about the Lord. I honestly didn’t recognize how powerful the answers to my prayers were…I truly took advantage of the fact that when I asked for help, and acknowledged God, I got the help I needed. I thought it was just “luck” and that I, being the selfish person I am, accomplished everything on my own. So I went about life as normal, no religion, no God, and only calling for him when I needed help, EXPECTING him to always be there to bail me out….and when I didn’t get the help I wanted, I would turn on him, I would be anxiously upset, and curse his existence.

The cycle of life went on, there were ups and downs…and soon mostly downs. I found myself a single mother in my early 20’s, no concrete relationship, living in my aunt’s basement, working part-time at Home Depot. I had bad credit, a broken down vehicle, a bad reputation, and a horrible child custody case going on that took every bit of extra money I had…and I was losing….in everything.

I met LM, who was also in as dark of a place as me. He had loud and rowdy friends that were just like him. He loved his booze and cigarettes too. He lived at his parents house, and was a very “full of himself” kind of guy. He liked the ladies and was brutally honest about it (the Lord must have been guiding me here, because looking back, LM was not a good choice at the time). We eventually started a relationship together, which had it’s ups and downs, we were both having problems…we were both distant from everything. We had such a negative outlook on life.

It was our 2nd year as a couple, it was the 4th of July…his family was having a party up north for the weekend, and we decided to attend. That weekend was full of booze and fireworks, bonfires and jokes… LM took it as an opportunity to get as wild as he could, he took it to the extreme. He completely embarrassed me, his dad, and the rest of the family. I was fed up, I came to the conclusion we were not good for each other. When he sobered up, I told him I couldn’t take it any longer….we were done, his drinking was too much for me. Right then and there, he gave up drinking and smoking. I think the Lord was answering my prayer, a prayer that I hadn’t even thought to pray at the time.

LM started to go to church, his family has always been believers in the Lord and they were happy to have LM back in church. His family established a quaint little country church house, off a dirt road years and years back. His grandfather was a Pastor, and now that he had passed away, his uncle stepped up as the Pastor. LM would come home with testimony to share with me, but I didn’t want anything to do with it. My life was still hectic, I was having a hard time seeing any joy, or any peace. I saw LM moving toward God, and I didn’t like it. It wasn’t because I didn’t like God, heck…I didn’t even know who the Lord was at that point. It was because he was following a path that I was not on, that I didn’t know how to join….that I was afraid to join….I thought that I would never be accepted, I was nervous to even try to attend church for fear of being rejected, because I had never learned the cute little Bible stories everyone knows. I didn’t grow up with Noah and the Ark, or David and Goliath. I didn’t even know the difference between who God was and who Jesus was. I didn’t know one thing about the Bible, and quite frankly it scared me.

I decided to take a leap (of faith as you will) and agree to go to church with LM. The first time I attended church I was a nervous wreck. I cried a lot during testimonies and the sermon…I thought I was a crazy person and that I looked stupid. I didn’t realize how much emotion I had bottled up inside, and for some reason…just being in the church made it all come pouring out. I also got completely lost on a lot of parts…readings from the Bible made no sense to me. I felt very discouraged at that point. My daughter came up from Sunday School (it was her first time at church too) and she was gleaming with joy. She and the other kids sang some precious songs about Jesus to all of us, and I could see the love she had for the Lord. That gave me encouragement to come back again…to learn more about Jesus, this person who was making my daughter smile from ear to ear, who helped LM quit two life consuming vices in a matter of minutes (for almost 2 years now).

As I continued to go to church, to invest time in reading my Bible, and to talk to others with the same beliefs, I have noticed such a change in the way I perceive life. I’ve learned to be a “cheerful giver” and that “loving thy neighbor” means all of your neighbors, every person around you, even those you might not like. I’ve learned to always have faith that the Lord will guide you where you are supposed to go. I’ve learned to take everything, even the smallest things as blessings. If I’m handed something bad in life, I’ve learned to point out the good in it and focus on that.

I am far from someone who knows everything about the Bible and the Lord. I am someone who goes to church each Sunday to learn. I’ve learned that churchgoers are not judgmental people (or at least shouldn’t be) we sin just like everyone else, and we come to church to learn how to be saved from that sin. We come to church because we are NOT perfect. We understand that the people out there who are negative, living a hard life, addicted to whatever sin they have….are just like we were before we found the Lord, and we can easily go right back to that place as well. We can’t judge because that’s not what we are meant to do, we are meant to love.

When we were created, we were created with free-will. We are solely responsible to make our choice to believe in the Lord, and follow his path, or we can choose not to believe.

I chose the Lord….because it was my time to….because I want him to be in my daughter’s life….because I want him in my life….because he sets the foundation to have a fulfilling existence, full of love, and that’s the kind of life I’m going to lead.

 

She ALWAYS has to be Right!

I’m not sure if my daughter is the only 5 year old that absolutely has to be RIGHT…all of the time…but I’m thinking there are others out there.

For example: Potty in the Morning….I’ve explained to Etta that EVERYONE has to go potty in the morning, you’ve slept over 8 hours, meaning you have not gone to the bathroom in over 8 hours, and NEED to go in the morning when you wake up. She refuses to try to go potty. This results in me getting her completely loaded into the truck to go to school (already late), then as I shift into reverse, she yells “Mommy! I have to go pee!!” Then of course I’m frantically rushing to get her back into the house and onto the toilet.

This morning I tried something new. I BET her that if she got on the toilet when she woke up, she would go pee. I had just went to the bathroom myself and flushed the toilet. She then goes in…shuts the door…I can hear from outside that she is in fact going pee. Afterward I was waiting for the toilet to flush and I didn’t hear anything for a while. I peeked in and she was starting to wash her hands.

I said “See Etta, I won the bet and was right… you did have to go pee, just remember to flush the toilet next time.” She looks at me with this horribly angry face and says in a stern voice “I did NOT go pee….I guess someone just forgot to flush their pee down the toilet, it wasn’t me…I was right!” Knowing for sure I had flushed the toilet just before, and also had heard her going pee…I knew that she was trying to cover up the fact she was wrong…this is a constant struggle in my house.

Another example: Eating Over the Plate/Bowl….Etta has a real problem with getting up and moving around while eating, also sitting sideways in her chair at the dinner table. LM and I have repeatedly told her to sit still and put her plate/bowl to the edge of the table and make sure to eat over it, or there will be messes. She has explained her point of view (which she believes is right) that she can eat perfectly fine the way she wants (moving around in her chair, bowl/plate 10 inches away from her).

A few mornings ago, we were eating cereal at the table. I had already corrected her 3 or 4 times, asking she sit still, and to eat over the bowl. After being told by my 5 year old that she was “fine” and that she could eat by herself…and being told “leave me alone”, I did…I walked away from the table…not even a second later, she was out of her chair and on the ground trying to secretly clean cereal and milk off of the dining room rug.

I let her try to clean it for a while, then walked into the dining room to prove my point once again…as I was about to say “See Etta…this is why we eat over our bowl and sit STILL at the table” she blurted out “Mom, I don’t know what happened, but I think you gave me a messed up bowl because it just slid off the table…but just a “little” spilled…so that’s ok” she still continues to think her way of eating at the table is correct…and we still have the messes…

Last Example (although there are MANY more): Putting on a Coat/Shoes in the Morning….Every morning we get ready, I explain to Etta what the weather is like outside. I suggest what shoes she should wear, and whether or not she needs a coat. I ALWAYS get push back from these suggestions.

It’s 42 degrees outside, and raining..I suggest she get on her waterproof, warm, tall boots and put on her winter jacket. She comes back with dress shoes and a sweater on….Absolutely refusing to change into what I told her to, stating that she’s “hot” and doesn’t need socks…a coat…or boots. I decide to just let her learn the lesson herself. As soon as she opens the door, steps foot into the cold garage (which is obviously warmer than outside) she runs back in saying “Mom, it got so cold out all of a sudden, how did the weather change like that?! It was just hot out! I need my boots and coat.” Of course the weather changed….of course mommy was not right…of course she is the right one here….

I’m on the struggle bus with this child…it’s real…and she is always right…

 

Blah…That’s How I Feel Today…

I’m currently at work…currently finished with everything I needed to do for the day…and it is only 9:30am. Today is going to be so long and slow…just a dragged out day (I apologize ahead of time for possibly writing a million blogs today).

Unfortunately all of my days seem to be like this lately…I would much rather be lying in bed, my nice warm bed…watching Grey’s Anatomy.

Maybe it’s the cold Michigan weather, the gloomy clouds that are constantly in the skies. Maybe it’s because my house is kept at a low 62 degrees (because my crazy mother-in-law will freak out if we turn the heat on). Maybe it’s because I absolutely hate going to work in the mornings.

Either way, the only way I can describe my mood lately is “blah”

I used to be so excited about this time of year. Fall- my most favorite season. We wear lots of layers of comfy warm clothing. We can go outside and enjoy the nice cool breeze, beautiful colors of the trees; orange, yellow, red…(if you haven’t seen Michigan in the fall you should!) Carving pumpkins, visiting orchards for hot doughnuts and cider…can’t forget the hay ride through the woods! But this year is different…

I feel rushed, yet completely uninspired to do anything. I feel held back from having all the fun I did before. I feel like I have no time at all for the fun things in life. I feel like all of my time and the little bit of energy I have, goes to work and household chores.

What’s odd is…I had the same amount of time, if not more just a year ago. The summer before last I remember being on the lake with Etta constantly, if not every day! Swimming, fishing, tubing, playing at the sandbar…but this summer was different. We made it onto the lake ONE time this summer, and for only a couple of hours (which isn’t much if you are out on the lake).

So why do I constantly feel like I have no inspiration to do anything at all. Why do I not want to go explore and spend my time having fun? I’m still trying to figure that one out.

By now I’d usually have HUGE plans for Halloween, and for Thanksgiving….actually I’d probably already be thinking about Christmas. I just can’t seem to get into the mood of the “holidays” and I honestly feel overwhelmed by them. I feel like they have no part in my life right now, but they have to….for Etta.

Maybe life is a little to busy for me lately. Maybe I have too many things going on at once to want to do anything more. Maybe I am thinking way too much about this…

Maybe my mom was right when she said “At some point in life you will get “burnt-out” on wanting to do everything, and will just want to sit around and do nothing.” I pray I don’t end up like that…..

 

 

If he wants to help…LET THE MAN HELP!

It wasn’t until 7pm that I was able to cook dinner last night…see we planned on having pizza for Etta’s school fundraiser, LM got to the pizza place and there was a line out the door, so we decided not to participate…which meant I had to come up with dinner last minute.

I cooked dinner as fast as I could (having to wait for meat to thaw was not fun). Etta had already fallen asleep on the couch watching Hocus Pocus. Dinner was finally done at 7:30pm, we woke Etta up to eat (knowing if we didn’t we would have a visitor at 1am asking for a “snack”) and we all ate dinner quickly. I immediately got Etta into bed after, since she was pretty cranky from having to wake up to eat. I headed back downstairs, dreading the fact I still had to clean and put food away…expecting LM to be in the shower or bed by now, and just wishing I could be in the shower or bed by now. When I got to the kitchen I was pleasantly surprised.

See, when LM and I first met he would always try to help me cook, and then clean up after. Since I am SO picky about how things are done… I’d ALWAYS hover, offer advice, or just take over completely. Over the years, it slowly turned into LM watching TV while I made dinner (if he wasn’t working) then after, he’d head straight to bed, leaving me to do all the cleaning myself. I understood why, but I really wished he’d still help me (and of course put up with my “supervision”).

A few nights ago, being overly cranky…and pushed to my limits, I mentioned to LM that he NEVER helps me anymore with the cooking and cleaning.

So now, standing at the kitchen door, seeing LM in the kitchen…food already put away, he was wiping down counters, and working on dishes…I decided to fight the urge to jump in and take over. I quietly snuck down to our bathroom and got in the shower. I took a nice peaceful shower, but was consumed with guilt. I thought for sure he either stopped at the dishes part of cleaning, and I’d have to go finish…or he was waiting for me to get out of the shower to say “you should have been helping me!”

To my surprise the kitchen was spotless (as if I had done it myself), he was laying in bed waiting for me to come to bed…he just gave me a kiss, turned the TV on and cuddled up with me to watch a show. He didn’t mention the kitchen, the cleaning…nothing….

Just goes to show, you can’t underestimate people, they can help you more than you think!

And I’ll admit, I’ve learned not everything needs to be done “MY” way lol

Am I Doing this “Bride” Thing Right?

I have a confession…I’v been engaged for over a month now…the wedding is 10 months away and I have no urge to get things planned. I’m not that overly excited bride, I’m not that girl who shows her ring of to everyone she meets (it’s a beautiful ring, but honestly I forget it’s on my finger). I love my fiance, I’m excited to be married to him in 10 months, however…I’m not the type who is consumed by wedding planning. I’m honestly just hoping someone will pick up the reins, plan it for me (for free, NOT hiring a wedding planner) and I won’t have to worry one bit.

So a month before we were engaged LM’s friend proposed to his girlfriend (LM had planned to propose to me before this happened…then had to delay the proposal). Now this girl, technically planning a wedding a month before mine, already has the dress, venue, bridesmaids dresses, ceremony location, DJ, photographer….the list goes on. Then here I am not even knowing where to begin. She messages me, you know because I’m a future bride as well, and she wants to know where I am in all of my planning…and I have no clue what to write back. Then she happily tells me about all of her plans (some are similar to what I had in mind which kinda ticks me off a little, I wont lie) and then freaks me out because I realize I have little planned.

I will say I am extremely fortunate to have LM’s family…the church is on them, the reception is too…his dad and step-mom are taking care of the food, his cousins are the DJ’s, so I’m assuming there isn’t much left to plan right? Well, I guess I’m wrong…because I have a HUGE list of things I need to get done in certain time frames and I’m not even close (of course I printed this “list” off of a Google search).

Is it a bad thing that I don’t even want to step foot in a dress shop? Maybe the courthouse wedding is for me….no….I’m just the type of person to wait last minute to pull it all together, will that even work with a wedding????

In all, I’m sure the planning will pick up, I’m sure I’ll get in the “mood” to be a bride. I’m sure at some point I will be able to wrangle up all my bridesmaids to help me with all of this wedding “stuff”. Until then you can find me chillin’ with my fiance and my 5 year old, being a normal person 🙂